Bein’s believin’

Pubblicato il 21 Aprile 2021 da Veronica Baker

What a feeling
I am music now
Bein’s believin’
I am rhythm now
Pictures come alive
You can dance right through your life

What a feeling
You can really have it all
What a feeling
Pictures come alive when I call
I can have it all
I can really really have it all

Have it all
Pictures come alive when I call
Bein’s believin’
Take your passion
Make it happen

Irene CaraWhat a feeling

To err is human, to err again is stupid.
Missions are my work.
The rest – for example shopping – my breaktime.

Bein’s believin’.
In only one week, everything changed.

You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world.
And you believe you are living.

Then you read a book, or you take a trip.
And you discover that you are not living.
You are hibernating.

The symptoms of hibernation are easily detectable.
First, restlessness.
Then, absence of pleasure.

That is all.
It appears like an innocuous illness.
Monotony, boredom, death.

Millions live like this – or die like this – without knowing it.
They work in offices, or drive a car, or picnic with their families, or raise children.

And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song.
And it awakens them.

Some never awaken.1

Bein’s believin’

Bein's believin'
They could work in harmony…© 2019 Veronica Baker

One word I would banish from the dictionary is “escape”.
Because that word has been misused regarding anybody who wanted to move away from a certain spot and wanted to grow.
If you forget that word you will have a much easier time.

You’re in the beginning of your life.
You should experiment with everything.
Try everything.

But we are exclusively taught dichotomies.
And I only learned later that they could work in harmony.

We have created false dichotomies, false ambivalences.
Very painful one’s sometimes.
The feeling that we have to choose.

And I think at one point we finally realize, sometimes subconsciously, whether or not we are really fitted for what we try.

And if it’s what we want to do.

The end of an era

You have a right to experiment with your life, and you will surely make mistakes.
You came out of an education, and you also should know your vocation.

And maybe ten years later you find you’re not a teacher anymore.
Or you’re not a painter anymore.
It may happen.

I think we have a right to change course.
But society is the one that keeps demanding that we fit in and not disturb things.

They would like you to fit in right away so that things work now.

I truly love to be an entertainer…

…I’ve so much fun with what I do.

Bein's believin'
…I’ve so much fun with what I do.

I’m graduated in mathematical sciences and economics.
But I’ve gone back to school again to get another degree.

And this time I decided I would study something that I truly love.
Becoming a very special lady.

I held an upper management position for several years.
Although very successful, I was also often stressed and bored.

In addition, recently some very unpleasant experiences bluntly revealed to me that life is short and should be sweet.

I’ve gradually decided to change my life, pursuing things that were important to me.

Something I had always wanted to try but was afraid to do.

Becoming who I’ve always dreamed of being.
Fearless, fun and truly alive.

A good question

Why would a graduated with a Phd in mathematical sciences and economics choose to be an adult entertainer ?
Well, why not ?

You might find the idea that it was only the quality of my life which got me into escorting strange and ironic.
But I didn’t like the idea of being gone all day at work in my office – from morning to evening – behind a monitor.

I’ve reached the limit of an exhaustion and nervous depression, neglecting myself first and foremost as a person.
It was very sad for me.

I liked very much my past work.
But I was tired of feeling like either a bad manager or a bad woman.

I wasn’t giving myself the time I needed.
And I wasn’t able to devote the time I felt was necessary to my job to make me feel I was doing my best quality work.

Money – although very important to me – has never been the primary drive behind my chosen profession.
Not this one and not the career I had before this one.

I made great money.
But it’s not everything.

“Good pay with flexible hours”

That’s what got me escorting.
It was wonderful to finally spend as much time as I wanted without being a slave of my past work.

I guess most people would find it odd and think that maybe I’m lying when I say that money hasn’t been what’s kept me in adult entertainment.
It’s certainly an incentive, but for me it’s always been more than that.

Of course I don’t pretend to know or understand what motivates others.
But maybe there’s a common thread that runs through all of us.

Allowing things to be just as they are

We’re all looking for something and we’re all mistakenly thinking we can find it in or with someone else.
I know that’s not unique to this business, but it’s something that is allowed to be obvious.

I guess what we’re all looking for is happiness.
We often seek and find pleasure instead, of course there’s anything wrong with that.

Pleasure to me is like a flash of lightening that comes and goes very quickly.
Happiness seems like waves in the ocean that are steady and ongoing.

As a result, I’ve found that for me happiness comes from a general sense of well being.
Just knowing that everything is exactly as it should be.

I’ve changed my life

I’ve become who I’ve always dreamed of being.
A very special lady.
Fearless, fun and truly alive.
And escorting for me has became a way of living.

This is not a hobby.
This is my life.


1 Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 1 : 1931-1934


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